To Forget
by Darksknight
Summary: Gin had been right- sometimes you really did need to forget. (Pre and Post Winter War. One-shot)


Small flecks of ash fell from the sky; all grey-white like the color of his hair. It looked like snow, almost, in the fading evening light. One could almost being to believe that it was simply perspiration in the air- frozen water crystals raining down from the heaven. The thing was, though, that you could smell the burning and the smoke, and if you looked up to the sky you would see thick plumes of it hanging there. Not to mention it was hot; too hot.

Rangiku Matsumoto was a victim of the heat. Sweat rolled down her brow and the back over her neck, her bosom shined with it as the perspiration dripped down between her gracious breasts. She heaved another breath, panting, running, as she had been for hours. She couldn't seem to catch her breath, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't suck in as much air as her body demanded. She wanted to take a break and sit down somewhere, hopefully to catch her breath and just rest for a moment. But she would be having no such luck as it seemed she couldn't force herself to stop moving, not matter how much she wanted to.

She was searching for something very important and dear to her.

She was in the Rukon district- where she had grown up. She didn't recognize much of anything, though, on account of every building within sight having been reduced to heaps of ash and rubble. The embers of the destruction still glowed with heat, but there was no one around but her to see.

An eerie hush had taken up residence in the air- the still so harsh and crushing that every breath Rangiku drew sounded like a clap of thunder. The quiet around her pressed in on her, pushing at her ears and making her feel as if at any moment she may begin to bleed from the amount of force there. It wasn't an uncommon feeling to her; many people feel that was when it is too quiet. It was just that this silence was more forceful and full of presence than she was accustomed to.

Her eyes scanned everywhere, searching, searching, searching.

Panic bubbled up in her stomach in a wave of nausea.

She burst from the populated area of her old home town, running further out into the wilderness. Her feet ached and gave sharp cries of protest when she stepped on large pebbles, but she didn't pay the pain any mind. She was looking for something, and that was all she was doing.

"Gin!"

Or, rather, someone.

"Gin!"

She called his name, her mind whirling. Should she turn? Was he just beyond this tree? Had something happened to him? Where was he?

She needed him.

"Gin!"

She found herself biting back tears, because she was so sure that he had been consumed in a fire like the village- though it seemed that out beyond the village there hadn't been any fire.

She threw a glance over her shoulder and swallowed hard. She couldn't see the Serietie- it had been burned down, too. Everyone she had ever known and loved had fled= leaving her all alone. She had one last hope- the one man that would never, ever leave her.

"Gin!"

She was scared.

It was suddenly that she burst through a wall of plants; vines that had stretched between two trees and created some sort of barrier. She found herself in a meadow, suddenly. There was a small pond in the dip of the valley, shimmering in the twilight. Rocks lined the outside of it, making it look all the more serine. The grass was a vibrant green with shades of red and purple flowers dusting over it. She knew the place very well, as it was from her childhood.

And there was the man she had been looking for, standing with his back turned to her, the number _3_ printed on his white captain's coat moving with the rest of his clothing in the slight breeze.

"Gin." She finally stopped running, her feet becoming rooted to the spot. She had found him.

He turned, slowly, his ever-present grin taking up his entire face. "Ya' foun' me, Ran-chan." He purred, so clam, so at ease. He spoke as if they were children playing a game of hide-and-go-seek. Oh, yes, she had found him- it was nothing note worthy, really. It didn't matter.

But that was just how Gin was, so Rangiku didn't pause a moment before running down to him, crashing into his form, her arms wrapped tightly around him. All of the unspoken fears that had been prowling throughout her mind and the panic that had been welling up inside of her suddenly vanished. She pressed her face into his shoulder, not minding that he was a bit boney. He smelled like persimmons.

"I was looking or you everywhere." She breathed. "I was so scared, Gin, I-"

"Scared a' what, Ran-chan?"

She looked up at him, confused, because he wasn't one to interrupt when she was explaining.

His face was pulled up into that grin; his eyes shut tightly closed. She suddenly realized he wasn't holding her; he hadn't hugged her back. Her eyes went wide, and suddenly her heart rate was speeding up again. Something was wrong. All the panic and fear came rushing back at her, confusion lacing with it, as suddenly everything was just a little too hot again.

He leaned in closer, till his lips brushed her ear. "Scared a' what?"

_Fwoosh._

Her arms suddenly came rushing back to her sides like she was hugging herself, a captain's rope held tightly to her chest as she hit the ground. She looked up in a panic, searching, looking all over the clearing for Gin.

He was gone.

"Gin? Gin! Where are you?" She stood, holding his clothes tightly in her arms. "Gin!"

There was ash in the air again. The burning smell was so much more intense. Rangiku turned in cold horror, frozen, and watched as flames roared over the hill and down into the valley.

* * *

~)o0o(~

* * *

Rangiku sat up ram-rod strait in bed, a sob choked back in the bottom of her throat. She was drenched in her own sweat, her covers tangled all around her body. She was shaking from her nightmare, her breaths fast as she panted and tried to push away the images of the dream.

She jumped when cool hands went around her neck, a body pressing into her back. She didn't fight him, as she recognized the bony wrists and slender fingers the belonged to the man that embraced her from behind. She could feel his cool face press against her's, the strong smell of sand and persimmons invading her senses.

"Ya' shouldn't cry no more, Ran-chan." Gin breathed into her ear. "It makes me awful sad."

Everything he said always sounded so much like a joke. "Gin. What do you want?" He words were full of bitterness and the aching feel of betrayal. "Shouldn't you be kissing up to Aizen right about now?"

"Aw, ya' wound me! I don' do no kissin' up ta' anyone." He mused with a light tone, like it was all some big game.

"What do you want?"

Then, for a change, his words were serous. "You make so very anxious, Ran-chan." He opened his palm, letting something cool drop onto her lap. "So here. This'll keep them nightmares away."

She scooped up the object he had given her, finding it to be a little bottle with light blue liquid in it about the consistency of milk. "What is this?"

She could feel the smirk on the skin of her cheek. "It's wacha need to forget. Better than any sake- tha's fer sure. Use it whenever ya want- just know it all wears off. All ya' need is a lil' taste and it will do the trick."

"Why are you giving this to me?"

"Because," the smile was gone from his voice. "You seem ta' need it."

Her eyes went wide when he turned his head, placing a kiss onto her cheek. She turned, to grab at him, to pull him to her and beg him to come back home, but all she saw was the closing of a garganta.

And just like in her dream, he was gone.

* * *

~)o0o(~

* * *

"Rangiku has been a lot happier lately, have you noticed?"

"Yeah, she has been."

"She's started to hum and smile again, hasn't she?"

"She has! I've noticed that she sings sometimes, too."

"She makes jokes more often. And laughs a lot, too."

"She's stopped skipping meals."

"And she doesn't drink herself close to death every night."

"I live in the same barrack as she does- and I've noticed lately she doesn't scream in her sleep anymore."

"Looks like she's moving on."

"Looks like she's not so hung-up anymore."

"Looks like she's forgetting all about that bastard Gin."

* * *

~)o0o(~

* * *

The bottle was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She only had to picture his face and then touch her tongue to the rim of the bottle, so long as there was the slightest trace of liquid there, and then everything would go away. What sorrow? Why would she feel sad? What fear? She had nothing to fear? She could forget his face for hours on end; she could forget his body, his touch, his voice. She could forget Gin all together.

The nightmares went away.

She could walk around without fear of remembering little things.

She could walk down into his squad, his own office, and she would smile the whole time.

She didn't have to remember a thing.

She didn't even notice the man that sometimes stood just outside her barracks, watching, wondering if he should snatch her away of be satisfied with the information that she was both safe and happy. Because, really, she was neither of those things with him, was she?

* * *

~)o0o(~

* * *

The war came and passed.

Rangiku didn't smile anymore.

Rangiku didn't hum or laugh or sing.

Her little blue bottle only let her forget for a short amount of time, and then it would all come rushing back to her and she would get worse every single time.

Her neighbors heard her screaming through the night again- this time worse than before.

She started skipping meals again- this time not one, but two or all a day.

Her eyes were heavy and sad, and she constantly looked like she had a hangover, because she had a bad habit of drinking even when she did forget Gin, because she still knew something was missing.

* * *

~)o0o(~

* * *

Rangiku sat in her bed, blankets gathered around her, and stared at the little blue bottle Gin had given her oh-so-long ago. It wasn't working anymore. Even a little sip would only last an hour at most.

The bottle was still filled to the middle since it was so potent in such small amounts.

Gin had left her a note, once, warning her not to have more than a taste at a time.

But really, he had lied about everything else. It seemed like a long shot that he would be right just this once.

She had drank herself under the table- flooded her brain in waves and waves of sake.

Nothing really helped, to be honest.

This time he had disappeared for good, after all. She felt like he had finally taken away what little soul she had left. She was a dry, empty husk. And no matter how hard she tried, even all her drinks couldn't fill her back up.

She turned the bottle over in her hands.

She pictured Gin's face.

She let the tears come hard, fast, and uncapped the bottle.

Bottoms up- down the blue stuff went. It tasted coppery like blood.

She curled up into a ball and lay there, staring, unseeing, as slowly her mind unwound itself. Until eventually, she didn't know what had ever been there to begin with.

A small man kicks in her door, but it doesn't startle her. His white hair is spiked up on end, and his blue eyes tell her he's livid.

"Matsumoto! I have tried to be patent with you, and I understand, but this has to stop!" He marched over to her, stooping down and grabbing all the liquire bottles from around her. "You're not doing ay good by drinking yourself into oblivion! Now come on. You're coming with me- we're going to the office and you are going to sober up and do some paper work whether you like it or not!"

She was quiet, which seemed to surprise the man. He looked up, confused, and then looked started to see her smile.

"What?" she asked, still smiling.

"M... Matsumoto. Are you alright? I know that loosing... loosing Gin has been hard on you... I just..."

And she smiled a big watermelon smile, as happy as could be, as she barely tilted her head to the side. "Who's Gin?" She asked. Seeing his wide eyes, she went on. "And who's Matsumoto?"

Her memory didn't come back.

Gin had been right- she had ended up needing to forget after all.

* * *

So this is just a little something I came up with while trying to sleep. I know I should be working on Color, but that document is on my computer, which I won't have for a while now. (Thank God for sharing computers and Libraries!) I hope everyone enjoys- it may be a while until I update anything again, but I will try. Thank you!


End file.
